Incipient Vagabond--Verily

I have found a new skill important for achieving my fullest potential; to only occupy my time and head with what is important for me to learn, think, and become. So no more pornography, little consideration shall be devoted to video games or purchasing "stuff". I must discipline myself, forcing my attention to character-building, skill development, goal-assessing, and scenario-preparedness exercises. Learning acting, reading people, recognizing patterns of reactions, I should keep (or develop) a though-exercise book for downtime, for guided, constructive mediation. For a significant problem of the self-educating man, is lack of structure.
Technique 1: You should imagine yourself into life or death situations, or social scenarious, where you need to get at (or away from) something. Then vividly go through the numerous possible results. The problem here is that it is easy enough to fantasize the appropriate supplies lying at hand, or a reaction you were looking for, but try to avoid that, and take the exercise beyond to alternative reactions, supplies and bumps. But also just simply trying to truly visualize how the whole thing will play out is helpful. Perhaps you will practice getting mugged, at knifepoint, in spanish, against a wall. Being solicited for drugs, or sex, or coerced nto a bar in a foreign country where known criminals are. That way you'll never be bored and you'll (hopefully) be prepared--or at least in a proper state of mind--when your next adventure drops you right into a live minefield.
Other exercises may include reciting proper procedures for gardening, cpr; escaping crashed planes, building shelter, getting food, and signaling sos; naming body parts, symptoms of sickness, or carrying flash cards of some skill or hobby you are trying to pick up.

I fail at being popular, I cannot obtain and retain friends. I've a million acquaintances, but nothing meaningful lasts. I understand that community is vital to a healthy life--I understand a lot of things that I cannot possibly implement into my daily life. I've tried, ohhh, I've tried. I also haven't, I've also failed at reading emotions.
Now, I'm not some depressed young punk. But I'm a loser, I'm a creep, and really, what the hell am I doing here?
Really now, I've heard something of Bond, Jones, and all the Marvel 'mans that I think applies to me: that they don't have time for normal lives, to mingle, that they can't make small talk. That's me. I don't want to bother with it. I'd rather live with purpose, get shit done, be amazing. Make the most of everything I have and leave my mark. A friend of mine I confided some of this couldn't understand. He wanted to know if there was some specific mark I wanted to leave on the world, some great passion of a program that I felt imperative to imprint into the world before I was gone. Well, there is none, and so this seems unhealthy. A bit megalomaniacal (my words, not his). But it's unavoidable, incorrigible. I can't help this, as it's a core aspect of my personality.

Nonetheless, I am in a rare and perhaps unique position here: almost ultimate independence. It is at great cost; the safety nets of my past, of society's protections and due course for someone my age, my reputation, everything is holding by frail threads, which I am at wit's edge to avoid tearing away. I have a few Don Quixote giants to chase down now, but I must seriously consider where it shall take me. What shall I glean from it? I pray I am more successful than he, if I elect to pursue it.

The internet is in limbo, still, and if i was more technologically savvy, I would be adamant about trying to help shape it; there's a lot of money in that. If I don't have the tools to help actually construct it, though, I can at least add my voice as a visionary to the development of it.

I've thought of what's missing. Currently, the internet is just another application to utilize on your computational device. But it should be--and we are rapidly going in this direction--a fundamental aspect of it. No computer should be disconnected from the web of computers. Increasingly applications are going online, and we have to upload everything to it. But as with p2p, the networking can and should be flexible to access without a general browser; the internet should be packaged into dynamic, accessible applications including word-processing, forums, games, discussion, newsfeeds--all which can be accessed separately and simultaneously, directly from the desktop.

Personally, I think Google's Android is poised to be the innovator to develop this more fully. They should be integrating that connectedness into their OS, such that facebook is a permanently open application on your computer, just like word or skype, which you can start chatting, videochatting, post feed or drag photos to at any time. No inputting the URL into your browser to enter and log in. Your profile is integrated into your desktop; you can drop links into your facebook bubble, your desktop background is your facebook background, your local albums are your public albums (unless you choose to keep it local). Comprende?

Facebook was what inspired the idea for me, but it works with other mainstream websites as well: youtube, google docs, stumbleupon, new york times. The browser will become archaic. if one needs to connect to a site for which there is not already a desktop experience, one can do a Google search directly from your desktop that opens a list of results. When we watch videos there will be a live stream of dialogue about it, when we post a note, link, photo, comment, or video it will be noted on our social program, and no longer will facebook be such a shallow interface for communication.

I know this is what will logically follow the current experience, but really I have two motives in posting this: 1_bragging rights that i posed it publicly before it happens, therefore guessing its development and being recognized for my true visionary capabilities, and 2_to open a dialogue as to what implications this has, what we lose in this environment, and where else one might see us going.

Dirty, dusty
crusty, tattered
A faint light within me of what I once was.

I used to be fantastic,
handsome friendly generous
I was generous
I gave and I shared,
I welcomed and warmed
Or i tried at least
My brain was operating too fast to interact with the laymen
But i wanted to make them my friends.
Wall-eeeeeeeeeeeeee

Now i'm cold
and home-broken
i quit my vice or two, and want to go straight
but it's fruitless
thus far
A shell of homeliness,
ironically covers the home lost

a
lonely

island

no mental peer
no econopeer
why am i so queer?

Broke away from what little i once loved
in pursuit of my ideals and dreams
it's a hard, darkly-lit road
it doesn't have law-enforced signs
or friendly guidance
Sometimes it doesn't really
even resemble a road
just a wide open
rolling view
I say view, but
it's eery, frightening, unknown
but i know there's space forward

if i go far enough i'll pick up what i need
i can light my own path

for now, time and necessity gently urge me onward

Diggin' on diplo,
reachin' for the moon,
carryin' the stars.
How far back was that?


The sun burns with
lust, and anger, and every vice
rolled up into one
big bright beautiful "good" over the world

Yes, we run from hell
But don't you know
life's a racetrack?

And an ice cream cone,
and a box of chocolates.
How about a fuckin' rainbow
while we're at it? We fall
at the dusty, time-worn
feet of time again today,
but since there's no floor

since there's no floor
we'll fall forever, and
it's called entropy, and
it was good.
When it happens
you only feel peace

or shock at the peace

knowing what was never really there.

I already have a Yahoo account. I refuse to create a new one just to use Yahoo! Answers.

But I really want to jump in on the discussions!!!

So i'll speak my mind to you, empty sky... vast swirling thrashing intraglobal network of data streams... the most chaotic field ever to exist... for there is no directional flow, everything rushes in different directions simultaneously... yet somehow remains superefficient.

Some thoughts:

Here's my take on the hispanic/latino race question. The members online at Yah-Ans discussed this "resolved" question in terms of "social construct". This shows me that there is a major preoccupation in this society with human interactions on a more recent timetable, therein predominantly focusing on questions of oppression, dominance, globalization, identity, and feelings. And it reinforces my understanding of a common inability to see past our own self-righteous species and its supposed transcendence of nature.(yes i am simply reinforcing past prejudices in my own mind, but as long as i realize so, it's okay--right?)
But mine is a scientific mind, and as such i see us as animals, and still partaking in the cycle of things... so I read it as a question of evolution. I would say there was/is a course upon which South America was going in differentiating, adapting to its region! Life does that. Not even all hispanics/latinos look alike. But there is a differentiation, and who decides what makes a group different enough to be a new "race" or not? It is a source of identity, as there is much shared culture in the latino/hispanic, spanish-speaking hemisphere as in the "western" european/american hemisphere! caucasians, blacks, asians, hispanics... it works for me... different regions of the world, that have adapted definite physiologic differences from the rest of the world. I say if it isn't already a new race, it is was going there, and should be ALLOWED to be identified as a different race. It only makes sense considering its dominance of more than an entire continent and the fact that you can identify somebody of latin descent as different from white, as opposed to only the savvy (others of the race who have grown up with the race) differentiating Italians and Brits, or Koreans and Vietnamese.

In other, less controversial news:

NASA has developed semi-permeable bags (old news) that they are filling with sewage (newer news) and algae (newsest). They are producing biodiesel from it. They call the bags OMEGA!!! I find that remarkable, despicable, and hilarious. First, because i am remarking on it as we speak (so to speak [we need a meme to replace those phrases...]), second, in that they would associate the precious, worthy word that is omega with a sack of sewage, and third (which i'm not witty enough to do anything about myself) for the cultural potential of this. This is a major breakthrough!! I'll work on it so I can take credit for introducing it.... perhaps a running joke on products (or nutrients...?!) with the name Omega and the implications as junk food.... =D

What if, when we watch animals at play, at life, and remark, "oh look, the way they act.... it's like little people..."
....What if it is we that are mimicking them, and not they us? Our inspiration for everything is nature, you know... They were here before us, you know. Considering that we evolved from them, we have taken their mating styles, their instinctual reactions, and developed our civil and pretentious ways from them... but--to quote my mother's ex-husband, who is currently doing 15-30 in prison--our shit don't stink of no better roses.

I'm not talking about ascribing them romance. I was pushed toward this under-developed idea upon reading about bird mating rituals, and our manner of speaking that presumes we were the ones to initiate such an action and they were the ones to mimic it.

This follows that mental perspective of assuming that "we" are better than "they" until proven otherwise.