About Me

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This is my journal of experiences, thoughts, ideas, and experiments; it is erratic, sometimes fruitless, sometimes profound (at least for me). I don't advertise it, but I don't mind the occasional cyber-wanderer taking a gander at it. I tend to meander when I write, to jump to new topics without transition, and some things I say are tied to things I've talked about before, so feel free to hop around and just read what pops out at you.

Discovery Channel and Anthropomorphism

Posted: Saturday, May 30, 2009 by Sir Lancealot in
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What if, when we watch animals at play, at life, and remark, "oh look, the way they act.... it's like little people..."
....What if it is we that are mimicking them, and not they us? Our inspiration for everything is nature, you know... They were here before us, you know. Considering that we evolved from them, we have taken their mating styles, their instinctual reactions, and developed our civil and pretentious ways from them... but--to quote my mother's ex-husband, who is currently doing 15-30 in prison--our shit don't stink of no better roses.

I'm not talking about ascribing them romance. I was pushed toward this under-developed idea upon reading about bird mating rituals, and our manner of speaking that presumes we were the ones to initiate such an action and they were the ones to mimic it.

This follows that mental perspective of assuming that "we" are better than "they" until proven otherwise.

They Say it Takes Shock

Posted: Thursday, May 28, 2009 by Sir Lancealot in
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They say it takes a shock, a startle, something painful to enact change. Is this really true? Can humans not be driven by logic to change their lifestyles? Particularly Americans, must we wait until we make the planet so sick that it shows the late-onset symptoms, raising sea levels 25 feet, drying rivers and hiking food prices for drought and pollution and riots? Wait, that’s already here. So what if we procure a glorious presentation to illustrate it through the best media to re-sensitize people enough that they buy less, recycle more, walk and bike and take transit, or work at home and trade at the market!? These idiots and blind consumers, apathetic pigs I’m not allowed to kill, are going to make the next few years tough, but gradually until *WHAM* forcefully they’re going to have regulations imposed on them, or some of us smart people will get under their skin, into their heads, and affect the change we wish to see. We will have to make changes to the way we get things, what we get here, what is the most easy to attain--This can take place by dissolving borders, slowly adding pressure via legislation

What about biological diversity? How do we illustrate its imperative struggle? [People are like sheep: tell them they’re walking into a trap, and they’ll be critical; show them another getting ensared in all the wolf’s glory and gore, they’ll run like hell with no second thought to you.]

I had two reactions on two separate nights of researching and developing my persuasive presentation on the need for swift, immediate, bold reform regarding destruction of our living home, Earth. First night, I remembered the thought, which I can’t believe I had neglected when it first formed on my brain, that humans are most resembling of cancer, of pathogenic organisms that infect and plague their host until it dies. This sickened me, drove a knot to my stomach, and instilled me with force to find an alternative, something that proved it wrong, some justification (while still maintaining logic & objectivity). But I couldn’t escape the solidarity and validity of the correlation. The most stressful aspect of that concept was that there was no cure, that it would be impossible to remedy a population of organisms that has pervaded its own history as being ultimately predictable and already predicted. Of having no sentient thought on the higher organizational level of society and culture, but simply being a vast diffuse beast. Primarily, I thought of American history, in which we trampled the natives, and slaughtered buffalo and other great species, in pursuit of “manifest destiny.” And of Rome, and its own example of the cycle of life as an empire which expanded quickly, grew too large, and collapsed in on itself. I thought of the Holocaust, and the social factors that had horrifyingly escaped a society and allowed it to be primal and horrify the rest of the world in how disturbingly natural we truly are.
I remembered also when the thought had occurred to me, and why I hadn’t had such an intense reaction and broad application already: Upon entering Wichita, KS, after an extended period of distance and of developing my education and self, and having studied biology, my eyes were opened and I DID feel disgust, and it was directed at what I would later be informed was urban sprawl; the way the city had these appendages that grew outward to consume small towns, everybody knew it was happening, I’d been overhearing conversations about “a couple more years and the city will probably reach all the way to Goddard.” The same patterns present everywhere you looked, a great, oblivious, greedy homogenous mass of cells of people, that had expanded instead of advancing and developing in the correct, positive, living sense; they had not replaced the faulty businesses internally, they had just left them empty because they wanted their very own to accompany the very own cheap houses of people living out farther from the city because gas is cheap and so is spacious privacy. Cancer.
At this point I didn’t think I would ever be able to look humanity in the face and speak as though there were nothing wrong. I was going to have to email Ms. Cole and implore her to allow me to switch to the satirical presentation on time travel, because this project had stirred up such grave emotion in me that I would never be able to tone it down enough for a class presentation. I really don’t want to become the beheaded messenger, a scapegoat criticized and scrutinized, because that would really ruin my potential for achieving any social ends in the future.
The second night I worked on this, I returned to another ghost of my independent research past, the biology in a bottle experiment from high school. I started to use this visualization in high school for portrayal of the impending ecological crisis as well, but I was paralyzed in development of how to present it because of short attention and lack of external motivation: neither peer assistance nor mentor facilitation to develop this urgent message. This image provoked the solution I sought, finally the reconciliation I needed to the first night’s revelation: that these bacteria, unconscious and not sentient as far as I could tell, with no signs of advanced structure development, one of our oldest evolutionary stages, had been demonstrated to explode in population followed by mass die-off, yes…. But it was the growth curve! They had also been able to reach a very low but stable population level just as another organism had entered their wasteland and transformed the material into useable material again, thus beginning the formation of a healthy, complex ecosystem. Oh no, hold on. When I worked it out in my head, the organisms first followed the growth curve where, upon achieving a peak, they were able to either achieve a stable level just below it or fall off the cliff and drastically fall in numbers.
So, there is really not much comfort in the growth curve. Simply, that our future is very tentative. The probability that we are setting the stage for complete extinction is low, since we’ve already caught ourselves. But we also are not highly likely to escape unscathed. Mostly, I’m thinking behind my great social concern, about my personal future, and I’d really like to determine the safest place in the world.
Following that thought process, I also hit a crossroads: do I continue my campaign for awareness, throwing myself at preserving the planet the way it is (futilely) where less noble souls will immediately think of self-preservation and not the greater social good, and whereas I’ll be caught up in my crusade, which, yes, will hopefully raise the survival rate, perhaps I don’t want even this; maybe I should just shut up and move to where all the other smart people will move, and keep quiet, allowing “natural selection” to take course over the close-minded, less motivated, or less capable. For survivors would include those with knowledge and physical ability, and the wealthy, with just the few who lived there before…. I’m sure you’ll understand that I am not so noble as to be able to say immediately that I would not leave the people… It is, you see,… they who have brought it upon themselves…. I have reconciled my own existence with nature, you see………

Yet another desperate preacher on green living; hopefully a little different spin on it.

Posted: by Sir Lancealot in
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I wrote this my senior year of high school, and came across it as I was cleaning my computer. Give it a chance... Might just use it for getting into thick skulls back home in the middies.
Go green. Think globally, act locally. “10 Simple things to do to be green!” We hear these ads like a fad. Buzz words, they are. But it’s gonna take more than some alliteration and catchy phrases to constitute real change. It takes a cultural change, a movement of the masses, so to speak. What does that include? Not abstract, fuzzy generalizations. It takes cold, hard, on the ground (in the ground, in the case of gardening) action. Legislative reform, and individual responsibility. For example, if you see litter out by your yard, do you just leave it? If you spill a cup of coffee, do you just watch it run and say “oh well, it was bound to happen”? Noo! You whip it up, pick it up, put up a fence, set a coaster and a lid and take recovery action followed by preventative action. Make sure it can’t keep happening. This is what we have to do.


I see this sequence of cause-and-effects that has built up to our culture of laziness and unquenchable thirst to be entertained and do as little work as possible. We were happy people, people in Europe are happy people, in local townships and villages and compact living, as far as I’ve heard. But when we moved out to the vast Western frontier, we found seemingly unending space. Huge tracts of land that had never been laid claim to were snapped up. We still have miles between towns in the Midwest, more empty space than we know what to do with. Urban sprawl was born with the car; we can build new homes on the edge of town where land is cheap and it is much quieter, then a new grocery store and fast food restaurants and a gas station pop up to serve us, and boom! You have suburban living, a microcosm appendage of the greater body. We don’t have to interact with people we don’t want to. We have several feet of aluminum and steel, and glass, and pavement between us. Flip ‘em off, what are they gonna do? Then began the internet boom. We could go online and focus purely on what we wanted, ignore the critics and write THEM off as the fools. Anonymity let us be as cruel as we wanted to complete strangers. But suddenly we feel empty, and we can’t understand why. Do you feel as isolated as I? Well, I did, I felt isolated, bored, apathetic and unaware. Ennui has creeped in, America--we are blissfully unaware, in this state, of global issues that are driven by our lifestyles.


Water crises, for example, because we pay for transporting water from municipal sources hundreds of miles away from ourselves because somehow it is no longer of this earth if it is in a clear bottle with a pretty label carried by a truck…. A magical transformation takes place--yeah, the plastic leaches mildly toxic chemicals into your water, so I guess it is a little more artificial (read: delicious) to the human palate.

Thinking out Time Travel

Posted: Wednesday, May 20, 2009 by Sir Lancealot in
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I'm developing an argument for my final project in communications, to argue that time travel is more likely than we think and as such we should do what we can to limit experiments to make it happen.  


One of my points is traveling through wormholes, which are rifts in space that you can go through on a far shorter path than if you were to go the normal route through space.  Kip Thorne argues in an interview with PBS' NOVA ( http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/transcripts/2612time.html )

"KIP THORNE: There are several different ways to turn a wormhole into a time machine if you are a clever and infinitely advanced civilization. By an infinitely advanced civilization I mean, somebody who can do anything their heart desires except they can't violate the fundamental laws.

NARRATOR: What they could do is take advantage of the twins paradox and send one mouth of a wormhole on a voyage into outer space. As the wormhole mouth approaches the speed of light, time slows down relative to the wormhole mouth that remains on earth.

At the end of its high speed voyage, the traveling wormhole mouth returns to earth where it can be picked up by its owner. Just like the twins paradox, less time has passed for this mouth of the wormhole than for the other end that stayed behind on earth. The wormhole is now a tunnel with each mouth located in a different time."


Yet in the twins paradox, time has only progressed differently in the perception of the individual.  They still end at the same point in time, next to each other.  If you have traveled through time, the experience of growing as an individual changes, yes, but when you come to an unperishable object, a pattern of movement--the wormhole--and send it through the same process, it will have experienced the same rippling and process of time, but it still ends in the same point in time and space.  

I posit that the wormhole would be immune to differences in time.  It sends you to an exact complementary portal at the other end a specific amount of time later.  Because if you go on that adventure, then return home and observe both ends simultaneously, as someone goes through it they will just come out the other end as usual!  Right?

But let's go with Kip's theory.  If you send a wormhole out to space and it ages slower through time, and returns to its original position attached to a more aged portal right next to it, shouldn't it still send you to the portal right next to you in the same amount of time?!  I severely want to believe his theory, I mean heck its the foundation of my thesis! But it just doesn't follow logically for me.  Any thoughts to help reconcile?

Perhaps it is next to the same exit portal, yet when you go through it, it is not attached to this version but instead a younger version back in time?  Would that change the "twin paradox" implications?


Tuck it up story game

Posted: Tuesday, May 19, 2009 by Sir Lancealot in
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Just wanted to throw down a couple scandals.... The first one I made up to try out Tucker Max's writing style, and the second one is bona fide real deal.  I even tried to keep exaggeration down, too.


So...
 Amanda was in my English class.  Blonde, okay looking--plenty that I knew i wouldn't think twice about taking every single liberty granted in the Bill o' Rights and the Kama Sutra, plus a few that weren't, if we were ever at a party together and happened to be standing next to each other (and I was conscious enough to notice/do something about it).  Then again, that's kinda true of pretty much any girl.  She also had that kinda voice that somehow managed to sound like she was both 12 and 20 at the same time.  The kinda voice that'd make you wish you were her daddy wishin' you weren't her daddy.  You get it.  Other than her voice and semi-innocence she wasn't much interest to me for the duration of the semester.  
Except there's another thing I didn't mention.  She was a spitting-fucking-image of my roommates girlfriend.  Not like long-lost twin status, but just like your neck would fall off from doing a double-take about it, and then it'd be fucking awkward for you the whole damn time cuz she thinks she caught you checking her out hard.  So she flirts and you can't do anything but be uncomfortable cuz no amount of coldness short of a hard diss would get her to stop.  I didn't have a thing for his girlfriend, either, but I always get strong urges to take other guys' girls--but I've learned to draw that line.  
This was just a funny little prank that put itself together in my ahead.  And what other luck would I get than that great prankster Gawd all-high, putting us at a party together before the semester was out.  There were plenty more colorful fish around, so I wasn't even there in my head.  We had our distance most of the night, though partly because she was in the crowd standing around as I was shouting to some guys about how I'd met the one's sister and she was so nasty in bed I had to stop, take the dog out the room and give her earplugs so she wouldn't shit herself--ya know, bullshit stories like that.
Well you know what happens next, shit cooled down, I talked to a group while she just stood there looking delicious to me.  Eventually we head back to campus, and I make sure she's all hot and bothered before I hit it--I want her to be as animated as possible.  I have one goal this evening: even bigger than getting some.  It was solely so I could be fucking this girl when my roommate walked in and freaked the fuck out.  How do you expect me to pass up an opportunity like that!?  And it worked out perfectly.  He's been playing fucking cartoon video games with his dork-as-shit friends all night.  None of their dreams of the ultimate life goes beyond their parent's basement...  He deserved to be mocked.  This   I don't like to brag--I'm also not a liar--but I wanna make it clear that it's no easy feat getting hard when you are suppressing a laugh and expecting another dude to walk in any minute!

  

Posted: Monday, May 18, 2009 by Sir Lancealot in
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This weekend's escapades:


Friday was Nicole's birthday, i came home from Greenpeace and crashed because i had stayed up the entire night before and was afraid i would become incoherent, not good when you're responsible for representing that beautiful organization to people around the country.  I slept 6-9.  I had sold some alcohol to Chelsea and co., and wanted to tap some of the alcohol for pre-game.  I was on the train on my way and called Nicole, she said they had a hotel room.  So I ditched the crowd and slipped over to the Hotel Americania (sketch ass neighborhood, but it compensated with some sweet art deco and impeccable hygiene.
We pregamed a little more. PROBLEM! haha they had champagne and vodka, no chasers.  Haha what a fantastic problem to have, no?  No.  Warm cheap vodka not good.  Call me a pussy, call me civilized.  That was not cool.  
Anyway, we went to the club, i had a crappy time, didn't buy many drinks luckily, didn't really dance, managed to stay cognizant, was walking back, skipped the cab and the car, we wanted to walk back to market to get on the muni.  I thought the two girls with me were going back to the hotel room.  I forgot that Porsha had asked if I was going back to campus, I said "at some point".  I'm not a mysogynist as far as I know, I love women, but godfuckingdammit how stupid can these beezies be?! I have two goals: get chasers and get back to the hotel room as soon as possible so they don't get bored and go to sleep.  
I get them to the bus stop.  They're looking for the 91.  I tell them three fucking times the route.  Take the N to nineteenth.  Get off and get on the 91.  Simple as that.  "What? Huh? No we need the 91..."  I leave and run (literally) to find a liquor store. Porsha gives me stern glares every time i see her now.
I end up in the sketch area, after alcohol-buying time, i buy various liquids.  Have a conversation with a black guy about my Kansas ID.  I get back to the hotel room.  They don't let me in forever, these girls work like this: they know what they want, and that's all that matters.  I know if i pressure the right way i'll get what i want.  I'm sitting at the ground floor, waiting to get up there, when I realize that's what's up, they aren't planning to come down.  They've told me several times they're on their way.  I called and said just let me freaking in so i can take a couple drinks and leave.  They do, I leave with this other dude not staying the night; there's already a girl on the floor and a spare space on the rollaway that looks enticing, but i don't know the girl well enough.  So I leave with this other guy, i've shared my red bull with him and he shares his spliff with me.  I'm so fucked up by now that i can't even speak clearly.  This is not good because after he drops me off, I run into multiple girls in a row who are hanging on my every word.  Words, words that can't even stay together long enough to form a sentence as they fall out of my mouth.   My only defense was to apologize profusely that I was super crossfaded.

Then I ran into Porsha.  Kinda funny that after these girls decide to ditch (of all the girls there, her friend was the one i was most down to do something with, particularly after the girlicious dancing)* i still managed to get back before them, and with less effort.  Moral of the story: Stick with me and you'll go far.... or die.  I also lost my phone this night or the next, i don't recall.

Next night i go to allison's party.  beer pong, i have the bad luck to end up at a party where all the girls have boyfriends, and the boyfriends are there.  Still fun.  i made up a new deadly concoction tonight: Mountain Dew Voltage, Collins Mix, and Vanilla Vodka.  not so good warm, but on the rocks, it tastes like cotton candy.  This shit'll sneak up on you.  After leaving Allison's, i remember running into Nicole/Maren/Jamie and some yelling ensued, but i don't recall how well i fared in the debate.  Next thing I know, I woke up in Jesse's bed at 9am with a four pack of red bull.

  *DAMn i just realized the sweet luck of dancing with three really hot-and-bothersome dancers in the past two days.  Tish/Trish/Tess/whatever her name was, heidi the stick that managed to simulate curviness with her moves, and that girl under the bridge today.

So today was the culmination of the weekend.  Bay to Breakers, i forced myself to stay awake instead of passing out back at my room after waking up in that room.  I still managed to dilly-dally till 11, walked to Lucky's, picked up Jesse's bike where i left it the night before, rode to golden gate park.  There couldn't have been a more beautiful day for B2B.  I forgot the fundamental shaping force of Bay to Breakers: the people stream through the city all day, drinking and dancing and interacting in their costumes.  I was anticipating a party in one place.  The sheer number of people would not have made that possible.  This city knows how to fucking party.

Quick recap of the day: i wore a cape, rode a bike up through the stream of people, danced under a bridge, jumped on a float, convinced some guy to pull it with his teeth, got belligerent, ran into a friend, went to the beach, drank in front of the cops. Hooray!

Little Thoughts for the Night

Posted: Friday, May 15, 2009 by Sir Lancealot in
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Just a few thoughts I wanted to record, as facebook is far to superficial to keep any sort of reliable record for me; though now these arrangements are rendered practically public intellect.  Oh well, words can be found a thousand a pound.


"The rocks and the rivers said it couldn't happen; no life, you can't stay. The chances of you lasting more than a flash are likely as none. So remember that you being here is the first great rebellion of many. Use this privilege well.

You would be a better person if you just keep in mind that underneath these layers, not only are we human, we are animal. We act like animals, we make uninformed decisions, we still have hard-wired survival instincts that take over in social situations and survival situations alike--fight or flight, take or quake. Admitting you have a problem is the first step.

Generalizations

Posted: Thursday, May 14, 2009 by Sir Lancealot in
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So let's go over this topic of racism.  Prejudism.  Stereotyping.  A stereotype, a generalization, is founded in a fundamental human behavior pattern.  We gather a few details and relate them to our past.  We misinterpret. Fucking realize that people are people, and that should be the first 


You would be a better person if you just keep in mind that underneath these layers... we still have hard-wired survival instincts that take over in social situations and survival situations alike--fight or flight, take or quake. We are civilized, evolved, free-thinking and self-aware sentient beings on the surface, but underneath we're dogs, pigs, hawks, predators and prey, cohabitant, parasitic, etc. Admitting you have a problem is the first step.

Societal constraints:  Ohh, look, they're all so optimistic and cheerful and think they're free.  I remember those days."

Posted: by Sir Lancealot in
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I've noticed that Christians and non-Christians live pretty much the same.


I hope I've learned something from last summer because I'm doing the same thing this summer.  My quest is not over.  I'm heading down to Ventura, then San Diego if I'm not welcomed with wide-open arms.  I have a few decisions to make... whether to return to Hutchinson at the end of summer, whether to take courses there, whether to live free or get a job and rent a small place.  I might hobbify sound mixing; I've got a good enough voice, creative mind, and technical causality to make something of it.  But do I want to... Also, I'll probably try to do some auditioning.  Not necessarily because I wanna be famous.  But just because actors have a lot of influence, on hearts, minds, and dollars.  

I did learn something: find somewhere warmer to live.  And I'll be a lot more efficient with my dollars now.  I'm buying a fat sack of trail mix and I'll light fires on the beach.  I might try to find a job.

I feel bad about this, but I don't feel strong attachments to material objects or anybody in particular.  I've left a lot of people in my wake.  I'm a busybody; my body is always busy (though not always is my brain).   Mostly I'm just on an indelible pursuit of something.  I'm not sure what that something is, yet.  Noo, silly, not a god.  

Well, I know it's not my father.  Knowledge and experience, mostly.  But also...

The Pubescent Global Community

Posted: Monday, May 11, 2009 by Sir Lancealot in
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So we're evolving.

Humanity is going through another process of growth--we have reached all the corners of the planet and developed a web of instant communication amongst ourselves.  
Now we have to use that position to mature.  We are at puberty; we went from primal barbary and survival, to awareness of others, to literacy and development of motor functions.  Here we have hit the height of our growth, and we have all these ugly growths and sloppiness of our rebellious and egotistic attitude.  Time to reign it in.

That was all a bit ambiguous.  What i'm saying is that our self-identity is in dire need of attention.  We have to learn to manage our appearance and our interaction with the rest of the earth's family.  

One place that our changing self-image is going through major changes is here on the internet.  Our media is still developing.  Moreso, it is integrating.  We've got television & radio (and textual press)--the one-way media--and we've got interactive video games, telephones, video cameras, etc.  These tools are going to grow to mimic sociology; our systems of interaction as a community.  Family, dating, professional, platonic, business, friends--these groups and types of relationships, as the internet gets better at what it has and diversifies, will develop their own ways of differentiation in the interactive communication media.  What I mean to say is, we are all kind of thrown a homogenous meal now, and it's confusing.

One development I have yet to see is how families keep in better touch.  There is major potential for a less superficial system of socializing online.  Facebook is okay, but--I really can't quite put my finger on it--it is just lacking something.  The best I can think of is that it doesn't allow for in-depth intercourse.  We are all a little hesitant because it is purely public.  We need a more intimate medium for more meaningful intercourse.  So I will develop a blog community for my immediate family.

Posted: Monday, May 4, 2009 by Sir Lancealot in
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Facebook had a lot of potential.  It could have been the tremendously valuable community building tool that our vast, busy global society needed.  But it has largely failed at facilitating meaningful and valuable interactions.  At least as far as I can tell; mostly we're all being self-centered and spending a lot of time maintaining our personal, interactive portraits.


They were also in treacherous waters from the start.  Then with a good deal of constant pressure by marketing specialists and companies, they had more to balance and evaluate between the public and the market.  Common problem.

I think they should make it a paid product.  As is, it is more like television.  They are building audiences and getting user data to attract advertisers.  This works fairly well.  If they forced users to buy access, they would become, I think, more like a venue such as a club, a church, a cafe.  They need more interaction between the media, and, though I'm not sure how this should be, but there needs to be some fundamental differences in the form of the site; it is somehow warping and diluting its function.  I noticed this immediately when they switched to the status messages being the focal point of the news feed.  This was also misleading because we had come to percieve this as the sort of attitude expressing mechanism of the social network.  I guess there has been some tweaking of that perception and people are gradually coming to percieve it differently, but it is still definitely lacking.

One upgrade or potential route would be to make it less linear, I think.  It needs to have more dimension (depth) to it; it is too superificial at this point.  [By the way, if you haven't noticed by this point, I'm thinking out loud here.]  So we need to revamp it.  It is also another sign of how far the internet has to go still; it is very much premature.  It will need to integrate more senses!  It needs to be imediately accessible.  This page should be closer to my profile, this thoughts log.  I need also to be able to have a list of people "nearby" or available to interact with in real-time; as well as some other media to approach; possibly marketing, but also some streaming information coming to me--news and programs to view.  News and Entertainment Channels, community groups, discussion updates/forums, and formal & informal messages all need to be better connected.  and fuck these lists of text I keep seeing.