About Me

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This is my journal of experiences, thoughts, ideas, and experiments; it is erratic, sometimes fruitless, sometimes profound (at least for me). I don't advertise it, but I don't mind the occasional cyber-wanderer taking a gander at it. I tend to meander when I write, to jump to new topics without transition, and some things I say are tied to things I've talked about before, so feel free to hop around and just read what pops out at you.
Posted: Monday, May 18, 2009 by Sir Lancealot in
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This weekend's escapades:


Friday was Nicole's birthday, i came home from Greenpeace and crashed because i had stayed up the entire night before and was afraid i would become incoherent, not good when you're responsible for representing that beautiful organization to people around the country.  I slept 6-9.  I had sold some alcohol to Chelsea and co., and wanted to tap some of the alcohol for pre-game.  I was on the train on my way and called Nicole, she said they had a hotel room.  So I ditched the crowd and slipped over to the Hotel Americania (sketch ass neighborhood, but it compensated with some sweet art deco and impeccable hygiene.
We pregamed a little more. PROBLEM! haha they had champagne and vodka, no chasers.  Haha what a fantastic problem to have, no?  No.  Warm cheap vodka not good.  Call me a pussy, call me civilized.  That was not cool.  
Anyway, we went to the club, i had a crappy time, didn't buy many drinks luckily, didn't really dance, managed to stay cognizant, was walking back, skipped the cab and the car, we wanted to walk back to market to get on the muni.  I thought the two girls with me were going back to the hotel room.  I forgot that Porsha had asked if I was going back to campus, I said "at some point".  I'm not a mysogynist as far as I know, I love women, but godfuckingdammit how stupid can these beezies be?! I have two goals: get chasers and get back to the hotel room as soon as possible so they don't get bored and go to sleep.  
I get them to the bus stop.  They're looking for the 91.  I tell them three fucking times the route.  Take the N to nineteenth.  Get off and get on the 91.  Simple as that.  "What? Huh? No we need the 91..."  I leave and run (literally) to find a liquor store. Porsha gives me stern glares every time i see her now.
I end up in the sketch area, after alcohol-buying time, i buy various liquids.  Have a conversation with a black guy about my Kansas ID.  I get back to the hotel room.  They don't let me in forever, these girls work like this: they know what they want, and that's all that matters.  I know if i pressure the right way i'll get what i want.  I'm sitting at the ground floor, waiting to get up there, when I realize that's what's up, they aren't planning to come down.  They've told me several times they're on their way.  I called and said just let me freaking in so i can take a couple drinks and leave.  They do, I leave with this other dude not staying the night; there's already a girl on the floor and a spare space on the rollaway that looks enticing, but i don't know the girl well enough.  So I leave with this other guy, i've shared my red bull with him and he shares his spliff with me.  I'm so fucked up by now that i can't even speak clearly.  This is not good because after he drops me off, I run into multiple girls in a row who are hanging on my every word.  Words, words that can't even stay together long enough to form a sentence as they fall out of my mouth.   My only defense was to apologize profusely that I was super crossfaded.

Then I ran into Porsha.  Kinda funny that after these girls decide to ditch (of all the girls there, her friend was the one i was most down to do something with, particularly after the girlicious dancing)* i still managed to get back before them, and with less effort.  Moral of the story: Stick with me and you'll go far.... or die.  I also lost my phone this night or the next, i don't recall.

Next night i go to allison's party.  beer pong, i have the bad luck to end up at a party where all the girls have boyfriends, and the boyfriends are there.  Still fun.  i made up a new deadly concoction tonight: Mountain Dew Voltage, Collins Mix, and Vanilla Vodka.  not so good warm, but on the rocks, it tastes like cotton candy.  This shit'll sneak up on you.  After leaving Allison's, i remember running into Nicole/Maren/Jamie and some yelling ensued, but i don't recall how well i fared in the debate.  Next thing I know, I woke up in Jesse's bed at 9am with a four pack of red bull.

  *DAMn i just realized the sweet luck of dancing with three really hot-and-bothersome dancers in the past two days.  Tish/Trish/Tess/whatever her name was, heidi the stick that managed to simulate curviness with her moves, and that girl under the bridge today.

So today was the culmination of the weekend.  Bay to Breakers, i forced myself to stay awake instead of passing out back at my room after waking up in that room.  I still managed to dilly-dally till 11, walked to Lucky's, picked up Jesse's bike where i left it the night before, rode to golden gate park.  There couldn't have been a more beautiful day for B2B.  I forgot the fundamental shaping force of Bay to Breakers: the people stream through the city all day, drinking and dancing and interacting in their costumes.  I was anticipating a party in one place.  The sheer number of people would not have made that possible.  This city knows how to fucking party.

Quick recap of the day: i wore a cape, rode a bike up through the stream of people, danced under a bridge, jumped on a float, convinced some guy to pull it with his teeth, got belligerent, ran into a friend, went to the beach, drank in front of the cops. Hooray!

Little Thoughts for the Night

Posted: Friday, May 15, 2009 by Sir Lancealot in
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Just a few thoughts I wanted to record, as facebook is far to superficial to keep any sort of reliable record for me; though now these arrangements are rendered practically public intellect.  Oh well, words can be found a thousand a pound.


"The rocks and the rivers said it couldn't happen; no life, you can't stay. The chances of you lasting more than a flash are likely as none. So remember that you being here is the first great rebellion of many. Use this privilege well.

You would be a better person if you just keep in mind that underneath these layers, not only are we human, we are animal. We act like animals, we make uninformed decisions, we still have hard-wired survival instincts that take over in social situations and survival situations alike--fight or flight, take or quake. Admitting you have a problem is the first step.

Generalizations

Posted: Thursday, May 14, 2009 by Sir Lancealot in
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So let's go over this topic of racism.  Prejudism.  Stereotyping.  A stereotype, a generalization, is founded in a fundamental human behavior pattern.  We gather a few details and relate them to our past.  We misinterpret. Fucking realize that people are people, and that should be the first 


You would be a better person if you just keep in mind that underneath these layers... we still have hard-wired survival instincts that take over in social situations and survival situations alike--fight or flight, take or quake. We are civilized, evolved, free-thinking and self-aware sentient beings on the surface, but underneath we're dogs, pigs, hawks, predators and prey, cohabitant, parasitic, etc. Admitting you have a problem is the first step.

Societal constraints:  Ohh, look, they're all so optimistic and cheerful and think they're free.  I remember those days."

Posted: by Sir Lancealot in
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I've noticed that Christians and non-Christians live pretty much the same.


I hope I've learned something from last summer because I'm doing the same thing this summer.  My quest is not over.  I'm heading down to Ventura, then San Diego if I'm not welcomed with wide-open arms.  I have a few decisions to make... whether to return to Hutchinson at the end of summer, whether to take courses there, whether to live free or get a job and rent a small place.  I might hobbify sound mixing; I've got a good enough voice, creative mind, and technical causality to make something of it.  But do I want to... Also, I'll probably try to do some auditioning.  Not necessarily because I wanna be famous.  But just because actors have a lot of influence, on hearts, minds, and dollars.  

I did learn something: find somewhere warmer to live.  And I'll be a lot more efficient with my dollars now.  I'm buying a fat sack of trail mix and I'll light fires on the beach.  I might try to find a job.

I feel bad about this, but I don't feel strong attachments to material objects or anybody in particular.  I've left a lot of people in my wake.  I'm a busybody; my body is always busy (though not always is my brain).   Mostly I'm just on an indelible pursuit of something.  I'm not sure what that something is, yet.  Noo, silly, not a god.  

Well, I know it's not my father.  Knowledge and experience, mostly.  But also...

The Pubescent Global Community

Posted: Monday, May 11, 2009 by Sir Lancealot in
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So we're evolving.

Humanity is going through another process of growth--we have reached all the corners of the planet and developed a web of instant communication amongst ourselves.  
Now we have to use that position to mature.  We are at puberty; we went from primal barbary and survival, to awareness of others, to literacy and development of motor functions.  Here we have hit the height of our growth, and we have all these ugly growths and sloppiness of our rebellious and egotistic attitude.  Time to reign it in.

That was all a bit ambiguous.  What i'm saying is that our self-identity is in dire need of attention.  We have to learn to manage our appearance and our interaction with the rest of the earth's family.  

One place that our changing self-image is going through major changes is here on the internet.  Our media is still developing.  Moreso, it is integrating.  We've got television & radio (and textual press)--the one-way media--and we've got interactive video games, telephones, video cameras, etc.  These tools are going to grow to mimic sociology; our systems of interaction as a community.  Family, dating, professional, platonic, business, friends--these groups and types of relationships, as the internet gets better at what it has and diversifies, will develop their own ways of differentiation in the interactive communication media.  What I mean to say is, we are all kind of thrown a homogenous meal now, and it's confusing.

One development I have yet to see is how families keep in better touch.  There is major potential for a less superficial system of socializing online.  Facebook is okay, but--I really can't quite put my finger on it--it is just lacking something.  The best I can think of is that it doesn't allow for in-depth intercourse.  We are all a little hesitant because it is purely public.  We need a more intimate medium for more meaningful intercourse.  So I will develop a blog community for my immediate family.

Posted: Monday, May 4, 2009 by Sir Lancealot in
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Facebook had a lot of potential.  It could have been the tremendously valuable community building tool that our vast, busy global society needed.  But it has largely failed at facilitating meaningful and valuable interactions.  At least as far as I can tell; mostly we're all being self-centered and spending a lot of time maintaining our personal, interactive portraits.


They were also in treacherous waters from the start.  Then with a good deal of constant pressure by marketing specialists and companies, they had more to balance and evaluate between the public and the market.  Common problem.

I think they should make it a paid product.  As is, it is more like television.  They are building audiences and getting user data to attract advertisers.  This works fairly well.  If they forced users to buy access, they would become, I think, more like a venue such as a club, a church, a cafe.  They need more interaction between the media, and, though I'm not sure how this should be, but there needs to be some fundamental differences in the form of the site; it is somehow warping and diluting its function.  I noticed this immediately when they switched to the status messages being the focal point of the news feed.  This was also misleading because we had come to percieve this as the sort of attitude expressing mechanism of the social network.  I guess there has been some tweaking of that perception and people are gradually coming to percieve it differently, but it is still definitely lacking.

One upgrade or potential route would be to make it less linear, I think.  It needs to have more dimension (depth) to it; it is too superificial at this point.  [By the way, if you haven't noticed by this point, I'm thinking out loud here.]  So we need to revamp it.  It is also another sign of how far the internet has to go still; it is very much premature.  It will need to integrate more senses!  It needs to be imediately accessible.  This page should be closer to my profile, this thoughts log.  I need also to be able to have a list of people "nearby" or available to interact with in real-time; as well as some other media to approach; possibly marketing, but also some streaming information coming to me--news and programs to view.  News and Entertainment Channels, community groups, discussion updates/forums, and formal & informal messages all need to be better connected.  and fuck these lists of text I keep seeing.

Posted: Thursday, April 30, 2009 by Sir Lancealot in Labels: , ,
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I've been awake since yesterday morning at 8 a.m. It is now 12:03. Forty hours of straight consciousness, and nineteen years old. I got an ugly feeling in the pit of my stomach when it hit me. That's such an ugly feeling to no longer be 18. I don't even care about 21. I wanna stay young forever. As far as lack of sleep, tomorrow's not even an empty day. But I have to get this damned Spanish caught up. Gool.

I was thinking the other day that it appears to me we've hit an evolutionary brink as a species/society. What I mean is we are following the Sigmoid growth curve to a T!
This pattern is occurring the exact same in humanity as has been demonstrated in bacterial cultures thousands of times; apparently this cycle hasn't changed since bacteria, or even earlier.

Do biological cycles/patterns evolve? Actually I'd probably venture a negative on that bet. But we are approaching carrying capacity, and it'll be huge if we are able to conscientiously stabilize. I don't think any other invasive species has ever achieved this without the introduction of a predator or drop in prey, with a drastic fluctuation in population. If we manage to stabilize without a drop in numbers, it would be nothing short of miraculous, as well as a tremendous benchmark for life as a whole.

I'm afraid I'm not really that optimistic though. =/